Queering Autism
Any other AS Transwomen scared that you’ll be socially Forever Male?

Are there any other transwomen on the AS spectrum out there? I’ve never looked for a medical diagnoses on either, but I’m connected to both as deep parts of my identity. My older brother has been diagnosed with Aspergers, so at the least I see myself as a fellow-traveler to folks with autism. I know one other translady who has a very similar situation to me (her dad’s an aspie) and she’s having a real hard time too. I just wondered if there are more of us around the internet?

Since I’ve been transitioning, I’ve felt like I’ve had to learn social cues all over again. It feels like highschool again. It’s been helpful that I could watch cis and NT women and copy their habits and manners of speaking, but it just feels like there’s always a wall there. There’s a point that I can’t copy them quite believably and I think I trip and fall into the uncanny valley. I feel like there’s this performance of femininity that I really love and sometimes I feel like that, but I get such awful performance anxiety about everything. Maybe I shouldn’t try to pass for either…

And no one has said it out front but whenever I mess it up it just feels like I’m so MALE. I don’t think that other transwomen keep carrying male privilege with them, but I can’t control the words that come out of my mouth sometimes so I find myself being paternalistic or speaking for other people in really gross ways and I hate it. Anyone else have this same experience?

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